Tonight I watched an old movie called "Something New". When I posted on Facebook that I was about to watch it, I was reminded by one of my besties of what happened after I watched the movie almost 9 years ago. At the time, I was steal dealing with breaking up with a man I loved very much and thought I would marry. By the end of the movie I was crying uncontrollably and in an effort to help me, my friend slapped me and said "Get over it! He's Gone!". I think she was going for the shock factor and believe me it worked at least for a moment! LOL

It's been about 10 years now since our relationship ended. I remember thinking I would never be happy again.  I remember going through a deep depression. I just wanted to sleep and be left alone. A broken heart has a way of making you feel like the world is coming to an end!

That was such a dark period in my life. I'm thankful for parents and friends that loved me and didn't allow me to stay in that place. Eventually things got back to normal, but it took a lot of prayer and faith that God would heal my brokenheart. It was through my prayer time and reading the Word that God showed me why I had to go through that period in my life. He was drawing me to himself for a purpose.

After my break up, I became closer to God than ever. I knew I needed Him just to help me make it through the day. It was during this time that God showed me why that relationship I wanted so badly could not work. You see, although my ex boyfriend was a good guy, he was not the Man of God I needed him to be. To be fair, I also was not the Woman of God I needed to be. It was then that God begin to establish me in His word and train me to be who I needed to be in Christ.

God used my heartbreak to prepare me for ministry. He showed me what I should be looking for in a husband and who I needed to be as a wife. He taught me how to love myself and how to enjoy my singleness. It was a few years later that I became the single's ministry leader at my local church. I encouraged others in their singleness as I encouraged myself and at that time it all made sense.

I wish I could say that life was a box of chocolates every since that discovery, but I would be lying! I have experienced so many changes since I've been walking in my purpose. The attacks have been great and I have experienced my share of failures over the years. Through it all, God has been faithful and has never allowed me to stay down for long. I now have a better understanding of the beauty of redemption and grace.

Tonight, I am grateful for my friend reminding me of my past. It has shown me just how good God is! He healed my brokenheart and molded me into the woman I am today. For that, I am truly grateful. He has even allowed me to take everything I've gone through (good and bad) and use it to help others not to make the same mistakes I did.

For those that may be experiencing a brokenheart today, I want to tell you that life does go on. Things will get easier and the sun will shine again! The day will come when you will look back and give God some serious praise for what he brought you through and how He kept your mind! God will send real love at the right time and it will be better than any of the relationships you ever had. Let Him do a work in you so you will be ready to receive The One He Has For You.

~Crystal Harkless

Being a Christian single can be challenging to say the least. For years I have engaged in many conversations about being single in the church and how to carry yourself as a woman of God. One topic that continues to come up is how to express an interest in a guy without looking desperate or thirsty. This continues to be a challenge among many of the Christian women today. 

Should you wait on him to approach you or should you approach him? That is the question! LOL  Many people have looked to The book of Ruth for this very answer. I have seen women use it to justify both arguments.  I tend to lean more toward waiting for him to approach you. I already know I will be labeled as being old fashioned, but let me explain.

It is true, that Naomi (Ruth's mother-in-law) told Ruth to go to the threshing floor to see Boaz and "uncover his feet, and lie down; and he will tell you what you should do" (Ruth 3:4). However, I don't believe Naomi would have sent her there if Boaz didn't first show favor toward Ruth. From the day he saw her working in the field, he expressed an interest in her (Ruth 2:5-13). I think this is the one thing many women have overlooked. When you approach a man that has not expressed an interest in you, you run the risk of making yourself look desperate.

I have seen some really nice women labeled as being desperate because of their eagerness to "make their presence known" to the object of their affection. I have been there and it doesn't feel good. I think many resort to this way of getting a man's attention because of the fact that there are not many good Christian men available today. It's even more challenging to find a man that is really living for the Lord. These are the men you see after church with a sea of women surrounding them. LOL

With so many women all going after the same men, it can seem like a losing battle. I can sympathize with the men that are actually looking for a wife. Finding a wife in the church out of the sea of women surrounding them probably feels like looking for a needle in a haystack. Unfortunately, some really good guys have also received some unfair labels in their quest for finding love in the church. The search for love in the church is no joke!

When all is said and done, the only thing that will help in this search for love is prayer. Ladies, we need to pray that God will help us to wait for the right man to approach us. Men, you need to pray that God will help you to discern who you should approach and how you should do it. God specializes in divine connections, but we have to be in a place where we can hear Him. This is why we must spend our time of singleness working on our relationship with Him so He can lead us to the right romantic relationship.

~Crystal Harkless

For the month of January, I decided to stop watching TV and spend more time in the Word. Let me tell you, IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY! I didn't realize how much time I was spending watching TV until I decided to take this challenge. I've definitely had more than enough time to think! I can say that it was worth it and very much necessary. 

This past week was especially challenging because I was stuck in the house for most of the week. I began to think about where I was in life and the different struggles I've endured over the years. I have to admit I was feeling very discouraged. I decided to do some reading to take my mind off of things and ran across some old journals of mine. As I began to read through the journal entries I wrote in 2002, I noticed my focus was primarily on the following:

1) Graduating 
2) Finding a high paying job in Corporate America 
3) Marriage
4) Buying a house
5) Having children
6) Going on Vacations

Yes, those were the things I thought would make me happy and successful in life. As I skimmed over several years of journal entries, I noticed a common theme. Every year I discussed my desire to find the right job, the right mate and more money and every year I was disappointed! Even when I reached one or more of my goals, I was still unhappy. I thought when I get a little more money or find the ''right" mate, then I will be happy.

Fast forward 12 years later, after the lay offs, the crappy paying jobs, the bills, the lack of men willing to commit and the ticking biological clock, the light bulb came on. It was time for me to reevaluate my goals and definition of success. If those were my main goals in life, then boy was I in trouble! I began to think about my definition of success and those I considered to have successful lives. I discovered that my definition of success was mostly based on society's definition than God's definition. I found it interesting that the first definition of success in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary is "the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect, or fame".  (Things that make you go hmmmm)


For many years, society lead women to believe their primary goals in life were to marry a good man, raise children and be a good housewife. Although things have evolved some, women are still pressured to meet these goals in order to "feel" successful  or even respected in life. As a result, there are many that get married and have children just to appease others. Many do this and suffer inside because they were so busy pleasing others that they forgot to seek God for His will and purpose for their life. Their lives become a routine of fulfilling their duties as a wife and a mother while their other God given gifts and talents lay dormant inside.


How many of us have chased after these things only to discover that something is still missing? I cringe to think of the amount of people that have committed suicide even after obtaining what the world considers success. It's time for us to re-evaluate our definition of success and make sure it lines up with the Word of God. Romans 12:2 (New Living Translation) says, "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

In other words, you can go after all of these things, but if it's not in God's will for your life it will only lead to an unfulfilled life. Whether you're married or single, you should always seek to find God's purpose for your life. God allowed me to stumble upon a card I received earlier this month for my birthday that sums things up perfectly. It says, "God gives each one of us unique gifts, abilities, and passions. How well we use those qualities to have an impact on the world around us determines how "successful" we really are." (Tony Dungy)

For years I have lived a sad and depressed life because I was focused on the wrong things in life. There comes a point when you have to accept that life will not always work out the way you planned, but what makes it worth living is knowing we're here to serve a Purpose. Life is not over because you didn't get what you wanted. God has another plan for you and it's so much better than what you think you need or want. I challenge you to seek God and ask Him to reveal YOUR purpose in life. Let go of your will and grab hold of God's good, pleasing and perfect will for your life. I'm so excited because it's time to discover a life that will bring joy and make life worth living!

Blessings and Peace,

Crystal Harkless